What are sexual health principles?
Topics
Principles before practices
Creating a foundation
The Keys to Great Sex
When most people think of sex, they picture the physical stuff—positions, toys, experiences, maybe even tips and tricks. Rarely do we hear people talk about principles. Honestly, it can sound boring. But here’s the truth: sexual health principles aren’t killjoys—they’re the secret sauce.
When applied, they don’t just keep sex safe—they make it better: more connected, more meaningful, and yes, more electrifying.
One framework I love comes from sex therapist Doug Braun-Harvey, who developed the Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior model. He outlined six core sexual health principles—guides to help individuals and couples navigate their sexuality with clarity, alignment, and satisfaction.
Let’s break them down.
1. Consent
Consent isn’t just “yes” or “no”—it’s a clear, voluntary, pressure-free agreement. It can be clouded by guilt, obligation, or fear of conflict. True consent means checking in and giving space for honesty. It also goes beyond sex: think about Aunt Mary’s hugs or your partner using your water bottle without asking. Consent is about respecting boundaries, big and small.
2. Non-Exploitation
This means no manipulation, objectification, or misuse of power—sexual or emotional—for personal gain. It’s obvious in extreme cases like assault or infidelity, but it also shows up in subtle ways: flirting outside your relationship agreements, pressuring a partner, or using sex to get what you want. Non-exploitation means seeing your partner as a whole person, not just a means to an end.
3. Honesty
Sexual honesty isn’t just about not lying—it’s about being real. That includes being truthful about past behaviors, current needs, and relationship agreements. Leaving out important info or hiding things that matter to your partner breaks trust. Authenticity fosters safety and connection.
4. Shared Values
Every relationship is built on a mix of shared and individual values. Couples typically are drawn to one another over shared values such as fidelity, security or communication. Others might differ—one craves novelty, the other prefers predictability. The key? Talk about it. Clarify what matters to you, listen to your partner, and negotiate your differences with respect and curiosity.
5. Safety
Without safety, sexual energy can shut down. That includes physical safety (STIs, injury, pregnancy), but also emotional safety—knowing you’re respected, heard, and free to express yourself without fear. Emotional safety is built through consent, communication, patience, and kindness. It’s the ground on which trust grows.
6. Pleasure
Let’s not forget: sex should feel good—for both partners. Western culture has often downplayed one partner’s pleasure while prioritizing others. This imbalance is not healthy or sustainable. Great sex is mutually pleasurable. When both partners commit to understanding each other’s desires and enjoying the journey together, pleasure becomes transformative.
Final Thoughts
These six principles aren’t just theory—they’re a practical foundation for sexual wellness. They help you evaluate your sexual decisions, desires, and experiences with clarity and intention.
They’re not the end of the conversation—but they are a powerful place to begin. And if they don’t sound “sexy” to you yet, just wait. When these principles are lived consistently in a relationship, they set the stage for sex that’s not just safe—but atomic, connected, and mind-blowing.
